By Master Milad
Most kids are nervous the first time they spar. That’s not a problem. That’s the point.
Taekwondo comes from Korea, and sparring is the part the world watches. It’s been an Olympic medal sport since Sydney 2000, one of just five one-on-one combat sports at the Summer Games. It’s also a lot of fun. Once kids get through their first round, most of them can’t wait for the next one.
I hated tournaments. I loved sparring.
I grew up competing, and tournaments were never my thing. Sparring was different. As a kid, nothing scared me more, and nothing made me braver.
It took me years to understand why. Once you’ve stood in front of someone who’s trying to score on you while you’re trying to score on them, a lot of life gets easier. A soccer final. Hockey tryouts. A speech in front of the class. A hard conversation. Nothing else in a kid’s week asks this much of them: stand your ground, calm your mind, make your body do what you trained it to do.
Courage only shows up when you’re scared
Nobody’s courage gets tested when things are easy. It gets tested when you’re nervous, uncomfortable or unsure. That feeling isn’t a sign to stop. It’s a sign you’re heading the right way.
Psychologist Stanley Rachman studied people in high-pressure jobs, from paratroopers to bomb disposal experts. What he found is simple. Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s doing the thing while you’re afraid, and it grows with practice.
If sparring makes your child’s heart pound, good. If it never does, it’s too easy, and we’ll make it harder.
Fear isn’t the enemy
Fear is human, and it’s useful. Our job isn’t to get rid of it. It’s to teach kids to work with it. There’s an old coaching line I love: you don’t get rid of the butterflies. You get them flying in formation.
We’re not building champions
Most of our students will never compete, and they don’t need to. We use sparring to teach kids to stand tall, stay calm and not let fear make their choices.
We take care of them while they learn it. Nobody spars before green belt. Partners are matched by size and skill, and every student wears the protective gear for their level. The instructor sets the contact level before every round and can stop it with one word.
Want the details? Here’s how sparring works at Endurance, belt by belt.
The first round is the hardest one
After that, they get a little braver every round. You’ll see it at home before you see it on the mat.
Every black belt started with one class. Your child’s first class, Taekwondo 101, is free.
Source: Rachman, S. J. (1990). Fear and Courage (2nd ed.). W. H. Freeman.
About the author. Master Milad Bahrami started Taekwondo at nine, in 1997. He opened Endurance in Port Moody in 2014, and today it’s three schools: Port Moody, Burnaby and Port Coquitlam. Read his story
